Saturday, July 4, 2020

Millville Kookies Cereal (Aldi)

Childhood: ruined.
I always enjoyed the national brand cookie cereal when I was a little one, but that's one cereal brand that kind of fell off my radar the older I got: even though Aldi has carried it for as long as I can remember, I've never had much of an urge to give it a try. But then a thought suddenly hit me: I have a son. Well, that wasn't really the revelatory part, because I've had him for three years and kids are pretty unforgettable, for a variety of reasons (both good and bad). The main revelation was that he's never tried this cereal before. And considering eating cereal together is almost a daily bonding activity for the two of us, and considering he loves cookies just as much as virtually everyone else in the world, I figured it would be a good time to pass my old cereal traditions onto him.

Only it wasn't, because this cereal sucks. It's literally been years since I've had the “original”, but I remember it enough to know that this is only the palest of imitations. Sure, even the national brand tastes absolutely nothing like the chocolate chip cookies they're supposedly imitating, but Aldi's version foregoes the nostalgia by delivering a cookie that, at least to me, tastes more like vanilla, with no hints of chocolate in sight, despite the prominent appearance of chocolate chips (which seem to be bigger than I recall seeing in the national brand variety). It's appropriately sweet, without being too sweet...just not at all in the right way. I'm completely baffled how this is even still on store shelves, in all honesty, though I guess it's possible that I'm in the minority on this one.

But no matter how outside of the majority I am on this issue, I'm not the only one: “I don't like cookies,” are the words uttered by my own cookie-obsessed son every time I offer him a bite of this cereal. (And no, he's not referring to actual cookies, because he could still eat those for hours.) I seriously can't recall one other cereal that he absolutely refuses to at least take a bite of if it's offered to him, making his opinion more validating to me than even my own.

I'll end this review on a positive note, no matter how slim it may be: it's not so awful that I can't eat it. In fact, it's technically not even close to that threshold. There's nothing “vulgar” or “offensive” about the taste other than how far off it is from what I was expecting (and hoping for). I don't like wasting cereal, so I managed to polish off the rest of the box with little issue, although I didn't enjoy a single minute of it. But this one box is as far as my relationship goes with Millville's Kookies, because I can almost guarantee that I won't buy another one ever again.

Overall: 2/10. It's nothing at all like the national brand cereal that it's ripping off (or at least, nothing at all like my childhood memories of it), which is strike one. Beyond that, it's just bad, with more of a vanilla-y flavor and really no chocolate to speak of, despite the appearance of rather large chocolate chip pieces spread throughout; that's strike 2. But the most unforgivable strike of all—the one that takes it over the edge to irredeemable territory—is that my son, who will eat virtually any kind of cereal as long as I'm eating it with him, won't even touch these, claiming, “I don't like cookies” every time he sees these in a bowl (despite that statement not even being remotely true). The only plus: they're not offensively bad, so I was able to polish the rest of the box off myself (I hate wasting anything, but especially cereal). Still, there must have been a reason that I've never bought a box of these before, despite liking the national brand as a kid...and I sure as hell won't ever buy another one again.

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