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Wonderfully, woefully average. |
Fearing that their delectable
“Original” Australian cookies were on their way out of permanent
inventory (a fear that seems to be unfounded, as they appear to have
gotten in another shipment since my previous trip), I actually picked
up a pack of these hoping to find a somewhat viable cookie
replacement should my preferred option dry up. Hey, as we're learning
now, it never hurts to be prepared for any situation!
Excited at the prospect of potential
deliciousness, I let my wife try one first immediately after getting
home, and was more than a little annoyed when she contorted her face
in slight—but genuine—disgust , and declared that they basically
tasted like every other pre-made triple chocolate cookie. She’s a
self-admitted bakery snob, though, and frequently turns her nose to
everything that’s not fresh-baked. “What did she know?” I
thought to myself, well aware that she actually knows a lot about
making foodstuffs and has a much more refined palate than I could
ever hope to achieve.
So I did what I frequently do: completely blocked out her opinion. Instead, I
prepped myself for a flavor sensation that my close-minded wife was
certainly missing out on...a sensation that never came because,
unfortunately, she was right (at least this time). I was initially
won over by the soft and chewy texture, which is almost too
perfect...it's like the person who's overly sweet because they're up
to no good; it's proof alone that these clearly weren't made by the
loving, imperfect touch of a human being, but rather a mechanical
cyborg programmed to construct the perfect cookie, every time, and
the results are honestly rather off-putting.
Beyond that, my wife hit the flavor
profile on the head: there’s nothing special here. She did go too
far when she said she’d rather have a crunchy name brand cookie
(ahoy there, maties!) as opposed to these (I wouldn’t)), but these
are otherwise pedestrian cookies in every regard; a special shame
given the inclusion of white chocolate chunks, which don’t seem to
get featured in cookies near enough for me. Here, I figured they
would provide a perfect sweet counterpoint to the strong cocoa
combination of the cookie and milk chocolate chips, but instead, they
just seem to get lost in the neverending sea of brown chocolates,
offering little more than a pleasant aesthetical counterpoint by
being the only light thing in the entire cookie. (Which sounds like a
metaphorical allegory of racism, but is genuinely simply describing
my preference for white chocolate to dark, or even milk, even though
I'm fully aware it's technically not even “real” chocolate. Like
a white woman with a large booty. Which now has brought race
into it.)
Value is pretty much a wash, in my
opinion: they're not too expensive, but they're also not a great
deal, with each 7.4 oz. package retailing for $1.99, and consisting of
eight cookies. While that might sound like a bargain, they are not
full-sized cookies; they are maybe a little larger than the aforementioned “crunchy name-brand cookies”, making them around half the size of
one that I would consider to be “full-size”. In other words, this
has the attempted look and feel of a premium cookie, but with the
pedestrian flavor and eerily-perfect “Stepford Wives”-style
consistency of one that's mass-produced. No thanks.
Overall: 5/10.
The price tag is decent ($1.99 per 7.4 oz. package), but these are
just standard, mass-produced cookies masquerading themselves as
something more noteworthy. The triple chocolate flavor is rather
pedestrian through-and-through, while simultaneously coming in at
about half the size of “real” ones, no less. The white chocolate
chips (which is the reason I pulled the trigger on these in the first
place) get lost amidst all the abundance of genuine cocoa, and
provides little addition to the flavor, while the cookies themselves
are almost too perfectly chewy, a sobering reminder that
you're eating a mass-produced product made by robotic, automated
hands, and not the loving touch of a caring human being. It's almost a perfect
example of a wonderfully average product, through and through, but at a cost that insinuates you should be getting more.
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