Friday, April 26, 2019

Dolce Tuscano Chocolate-Dipped Bananas (Dollar Tree)

Better than one would think.
Bananas are one of my favorite things in the world, which pretty much means they’re far and away my favorite fruit (and I love me some fruit!). However, aside from chocolate-covered strawberries, I don’t want cocoa anywhere near my fruits. I know fruit and chocolate is a hugely popular combination now, but I find it to be a repulsive combination of two things that don't belong together. 

Complaining further, I can’t stand dark chocolate. Of course, that’s the kind that’s supposed to be the best for you, but I normally dislike anything that has strong notes of bitterness in its flavor profile; it is for this same reason that I despise coffee, and can’t stand beer. If you ever see me drinking either of those things, please take me to a hospital because something is seriously wrong.

So then how did I end up with a box of Dolce Tuscano Chocolate-Dipped Banana Slices after exiting a Dollar Tree store? Let’s just say, when people tell you not to go shopping on an empty stomach, listen to them. For some reason, the combination looked so delicious that I just had to try them, even though it’s clearly not something I would ever spring for. But I knew my wife would absolutely love these (she’s as much a fan of the fruit and chocolate blend, as I am against it), and they were only $1, so I figured I didn’t have much to lose. Unless these were the worst things in the world, between the two of us, there was no way they were going to waste.

Prepping these frozen treats for consumption couldn’t be easier: simply pull them out of the freezer and put them at room temperature for a mere 5-10 minutes, and you’re ready to dig right in! All it took was my first bite in to remember why I don’t like these: frozen banana. I can’t stand it. I love the soft smoothness of a ripe banana, and when you freeze it, it completely destroys the texture, giving it a hard popsicle-like consistency. I understand that’s the appeal for most, but it's just not my cup of tea.

Well, reading all the negativity in the previous paragraphs, you’re probably thinking this is the sentence where I start ripping into them, and tell you that they’re a waste of money--only, that’s not at all what I’m going to say. Because, in all honesty, I kind of liked these. All of my aforementioned complaints still apply, and I would make sure to let these sit out for twenty or thirty minutes next time (even at the risk of having melty chocolate all over the place) just to give the bananas a chance to soften up a little bit, but the chocolate coating is sweeter than most dark chocolates, and I thought they blended together well. My wife’s chief complaint is that there’s only a thin layer of chocolate on the outside, but I thought there was just the right amount.

Even more surprising are the ingredients: bananas and chocolate. That’s it. Usually products from the dollar store are stuffed with all sorts of chemicals, or “natural flavors”, or other mysterious oddities that allow manufacturers to cut costs while still delivering in the dollar price range. The fact that these are simply what they appear to be is pretty refreshing. On the value front, your $1 gets you ten medium-sized pieces…I split them with my wife and it was the perfect amount for a quick little treat. While they’re not anything I would think to get with any sort of regularity, they're great to pick up occasionally as a cheap, unique (for me) way to fill a sweet tooth…my wife is already planning on stocking up on these during the summer months as a nice way to help beat the heat!

Overall: 7/10. I wouldn’t get these frequently, but just the fact I would get them again at all is enough of a positive. I can’t stand frozen bananas, or dark chocolate, the only two things this product consists of, and yet I have to say these were pretty darn good. The dark chocolate isn’t as bitter as most darks (probably because of the cheap price point), and fits well with the sweetness of the fruit. I still don’t like the texture of a frozen banana, so I would let these sit out for twice as long next time, in the hopes that it would soften a little bit (and at the risk of having melty chocolate all over the place), but these are pretty darn good for a buck. Also of note: consists only of bananas and chocolate, without all the annoying additives that most dollar store products tend to sneak in. Definitely recommended.

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