Sunday, February 5, 2017

Stacker Pop Super Strength Cherry Cola Flavored Energy Shot (Dollar Tree)

For those masochists out there who like to punish themselves.
Well, the citrus soda version of this shot was terrible, and that's a flavor that shouldn't be that hard to screw up, so now we turn our attention to the cherry cola energy shot, presented by Stacker. Again, I don't understand why a non-carbonated energy shot would attempt to emulate a carbonated beverage, but let's just cast our doubts aside and give this one a "shot", eh?

Now, I was even more disturbed at the thought of this, because I can't stand fakey cherry syrup. If I go to a restaurant that offers cherry cola, only to discover it's just cola with cherry syrup, I flat out refuse to even partake in that...way too many syrups are way too over-the-top, and it just tastes to me like I'm drinking a cartoon. With that in mind, here's an energy drink that is made up entirely of chemicals and fake stuff, so that knowledge, paired up with the failure of the previous drink, had me really dreading this one.

As it turns out, it's even worse than I ever imagined. The taste of this one is so bad that it literally makes my stomach turn just thinking about it. There is some fake cherry cola flavor in there at first, but then it's once again replaced with a bitter aftertaste that completely ruins it and not only makes drinking it not enjoyable, but a literal chore: The cherry flavor reminds me a ton of cough syrup I hated as a kid, so I have to force it down while dealing with PTSD-style memories of being sick as a child. The aftertaste hints that there's some alcohol in there, only without the benefit of there actually being any alcohol in there...it tastes like shit just because it wants to, which doesn't even make sense in my book, especially considering a vast majority of these shots actually taste good.

Even within the walls of Dollar Tree, from where I got these, there are no fewer than ten different energy shots available, and all of the others I've tried have been good. Hell, even Stacker themselves offer knockoffs of the national brand energy shot, in both grape and berry flavors, that are above average. Why they felt the need to release this abomination on the world is beyond me.

Just like the citrus junk, I have to give it some points, because it actually does work for what it's supposed to do. In other words, I did get a noticeable increase in energy after forcing some of it down. The dollar price tag is stuck in the middle of Valueland: it's more expensive than Aldi's $.69 energy shots, but much cheaper than the national brands, so there's at least some value to be had. But this just feels like an endurance test, like a prank product where some executive is laughing at the shit we'll shove down our throats just to save a few coins. This flavor is better suited for ipecac rather than energy.



Overall: 2/10.  This somehow tastes even worse than the citrus soda version, with a flat, non-carbonated cola flavor combining with cherry-flavored cough syrup in an attempt to make your stomach turn. At least, that's what I'm assuming they're going for, because you have to try hard to make something this terrible.  It's literally the worst energy shot I've ever had, and quite possibly the worst energy anything I've ever had the misfortune of forcing down my throat. At a dollar, value is decent, and it does actually provide a kick of energy (hence the reasons it avoids a flat-out zero), but there are no fewer than seven energy shot choices from within the walls of Dollar Tree, and the rest are actually really good (including Stacker's own knockoffs of the national brand energy shot), so there's literally no need for this junk to even exist, and even less of a reason for you to buy it.

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