Sunday, March 15, 2015

Mama Cozzi's Nacho Supreme Flatbread (Aldi)

I ate this so you never have to.
I’d seen these before as a special buy at Aldi stores, and have been fascinated by them every time I had seen them offered.  Granted, I was “fascinated” in much the same way it is human nature to be intrigued by train wrecks and freeway accidents, but regardless of the reasons why, it still captured my attention.  But the one thing I couldn’t get past was the price tag: $3.49 for a flatbread?  I could get a full-size frozen pizza for the same price, or a delicious take and bake pizza for a dollar or so more.  So I kept passing it up and passing it up.

Well then I caught it on clearance for $1.99, and I decided to jump at the chance to try it.

I must say, even after having a few slices, I’m still pretty torn.  For starters, it loses points simply for taking part in the latest trend that seems to be sweeping junk foods: It has tortilla strips on top.  When did this become a thing?  Papa John’s just released a pizza with chips on it, Taco Bell had a burrito loaded with corn chips…it’s a completely useless, unnecessary trend that angers me for some reason.  Now, the packaging clearly told me there would be chips on it, so I knew that going in, but it doesn’t make it any less stupid.  End rant.

Besides the corn chips, there are also three kinds of cheese (cheddar, mozzarrella, and nacho cheese sauce), pico de gallo, taco sauce, and beef.  In other words, a bunch of fat and sodium.  But isn’t that what gyms are for?  The tortilla strips don’t add much in the way of flavor, but do add a sort of soggy-ish crunch; the kind you’d expect from a frozen chip being cooked in an oven.  The pico de gallo, at least to me, was undetectable; all I got was a tomato that tasted like it had been tossed in taco seasoning.  The cheese sauce tastes like standard cheese sauce (which isn’t a bad thing in and of itself), while the beef is standard frozen pizza beef.  Surprisingly, this doesn’t have much of a kick at all, though a little bit of spice crops up occasionally.

Honestly, this is something I would expect to see at a circus, or on a Taco Bell menu instead; I’m actually kind of depressed that I got it from an Aldi.  Not that they’re known for their healthy options, but this just feels like an exercise in complete pointlessness.  It’s not offensively bad; I could even make an argument that it’s not bad at all.  It’s just not good.  Nothing stands out; it all just feels like typical Mex-American fast food fluff that was probably only okayed as a Special Buy to take advantage of the “let’s put corn chips on or in something” trend that’s currently sweeping fast food establishments across the nation.  Well, I gave it a shot; live and learn.

Overall: 3/10.  It’s not offensively bad, it’s just not good, nor does it serve a point.  It tastes like every item from Taco Bell, only on a flatbread; I guess that might not actually be a bad thing to certain people.  Also angering to me is the addition of tortilla strips on top--I get that it’s trying to live up to the “nacho supreme” name, but adding bland (and frozen) tortilla strips that only become half-crunchy even when overcooked in the oven doesn’t serve as a valid excuse to take advantage of the current trend of putting corn chips on or in things that shouldn’t house corn chips.  Original price of $3.49 also seems a little steep, considering you don’t get a whole lot of food here.  Pass.



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