Saturday, January 31, 2015

Mama Cozzi's Mini Sausage Calzones Platter Party Pack (Aldi)

MAMA COZZI'S MINI SAUSAGE CALZONES PLATTER
"Honey, I shrunk the calzones!"
As just about anyone who even semi-regularly reads this blog can attest, I’m a big fan of Mama Cozzi’s take and bake line.  They have a habit of making things that sound disgusting delicious, and things that sound delicious phenomenal.  And the prices are even better…where else can you get an extra large (16”) pizza for just $5?  Or a large (14”)  meat pizza for the same price?  Mama Cozzi’s always seems to strike that rare balance between value, and quality.

In preparation for this year’s Super Bowl, we have Mama Cozzi’s Mini Sausage Calzones, available as a special buy.  These are adorable little things, and they also come with two generous helpings of marinara sauce.  My wife wasn’t a fan of the sauce at all, but I thought it was serviceable; it certainly wasn’t anything to write home about, but I thought it was certainly edible.  It reminded me of a typical jarred sauce that you might find at the supermarket; if you like those, then you should definitely like these.

The calzones themselves were pretty underwhelming, though let the records show that I’m not a huge fan of calzones to begin with.  Call me crazy, but since this was from their take and bake line, I was expecting some semi-fresh cheese blended with some semi-fresh sausage, and that’s not even close to what you get.  Imagine the filling of Hot Pockets, and you’re getting closer…it’s just a mass of processed meat and cheese that is more forgettable than anything else.  No, the taste wasn’t vile--you might even say that, under the right circumstances, it’s even serviceable--but it’s not anything I could imagine anyone actually getting excited to eat.  In other words, look up “meh” in the dictionary, and, assuming it’s actually in there, you’ll find a picture of this right next to it.

Now, normally I can at least count on giving Mama Cozzi products extra points for value, and that usually helps in the rare instances that I’m disappointed with one of their products.  But I found the asking price of $7 for 18 mini calzones to be a little steep.  Maybe if these were “fresher”, or at least had the appearance of being so, they could be given a pass.  But with the heavily-processed filling (seriously, the ingredients go on for a country mile), they end up feeling like a gyp more than anything else.

Overall: 4/10.  The very definition of “meh”.  They don’t taste bad, but the filling reminded me more of Hot Pockets than a fresh, deli-style calzone, and for $7, I was expecting more than a mini Hot Pocket.  The accompanying marinara is certainly tomato-y, but also unremarkable in just about every way.  Even my calzone-loving wife was more than disappointed.  Pick up one of their tasty take and bake pizzas instead.

2 comments:

  1. I just had a pepperoni calzone and would have to say it's a few steps up from a hotpocket in that it had layers of real pepperoni and the crust is more like real baked bread than a hot pocket. The problem was the lack of cheese but I found a solution. We usually have some grated mozzarella b/c most frozen pizzas & Italian foods never have enough cheese on them. So, I microwaved the Calzone for about a minute, then took it out and cut it in half. Than I lifted each half and sprinkled more mozzarella into the Calzone on top of the pepperoni, positioned it back together on the plate w/ a napkin on top and nuked it another 30 seconds to a minute. Then took it out and let it sit a minute or two. It was very good. Not pizzeria quality but way better than a hot pocket.

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    1. That's a good idea. We generally have some grated mozzarella on hand, as well, so that'd be a good way to dress it up and add a little extra pizazz. Not sure I'll ever pick them up again, but I'd definitely try this if I did.

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